True life: I attempted to write this post yesterday, sat for an hour typing this out (and organizing images and proper links) and when I was 95% done with the post, my WordPress tab reloaded and I lost it all. Pro tip: always write your blog posts in a separate editor, because WordPress won’t always auto-save your drafts!
Anyway: the title of this post is a little deceiving, but this is something that’s been weighing heavy on my heart for a bit. When I was at NYFW last week, I was at an event and having a great time with someone that I thought was my blog friend. Turns out: I was very wrong.
Let’s backtrack. I’ve known this blogger for years. She’s charismatic, bright, and is very successful in her own right. She has more followers than I do, and from the way she speaks, she definitely earns more income than I do.
The devastating thing, however? No matter how much success this blogger attains, she really knows how to make a girl feel like crap for getting picked for a campaign/opportunity over her. I was chatting with her at an event, and at one point, I excused myself to use the restroom. While I was away, she called someone to complain about the fact that I got picked for an opportunity over her. Little did she know that my friend was a few feet away from her while she was making this phone call, and said friend told me everything she was saying about me behind my back.
Guys. This energy is toxic. I know it’s easy to fall into this mindset, but here are a few things to keep in mind.
Putting Down Other in the Blogging Industry Won’t Make You Successful
First things first? Blogging is not a competition, my friends. The beautiful thing about the blogging industry is that there is room for everyone, and we can all get a slice of the pie and collaborate with our dream brands. Whether you have 1 million+ followers or if you’re a microinfluencer like myself, you have the potential to partner with your dream brand.
If someone else is chosen for a campaign, it won’t dull your sparkle. There are a million reasons why you might not have been selected for a particular campaign – and some of those factors might be entirely out of your control. If you’re not selected for a campaign, don’t get mad: keep it moving, up your production game, and appreciate what you have. Insulting and complaining about the bloggers who got picked for a campaign won’t do anything for you in the long run. Focus on yourself instead.
Can You Learn Something From Other Influencers?
If you didn’t get picked for a campaign, treat it as a learning opportunity – and don’t beat yourself up about it. Sometimes, your audience/niche might not be a fit. I was in talks with a brand, received a contract, and the brand decided not to move forward because I branded myself as a D.C. area blog, and their product wasn’t available in the area. I was bummed, but it was out of my control. Other brands might have a target audience for a campaign in mind that I just don’t reach. Another thing? My personal style might not always be a fit for a campaign. For example, I’ve never worked with Revolve, and I don’t think I dress "cool" enough to make that partnership work anyway. I’m not mad! Have you seen how West Coast cool those girls dress? I’m not a fit!
In other cases, another influencer might be doing something that you’re not doing that made them a shoe-in for the campaign. Instead of getting mad, let them inspire you. Girls like Tezza and Jenn are excellent at producing their shoots and use the coolest backdrops and props to tell their story. Cathy and Jessica are incredible at being well-rounded bloggers and are experts at every social platform – and have been in the game for years. Coco and Lauren always produce super unique content, and these ladies aren’t your average bloggers. There’s always room for improvement, so take the time to analyze other folks’ content in the blogging industry, and see what’s working for them!
Support Your Friends – And Ditch The Toxic Ones
The one thing that’s helped me the most with blogging is having a good support system. When one of my friends lands a major campaign, I’m excited for them and ready to like, comment and share their wins. If one of us lands a big campaign, it’s truly a win for all of us because this means that brands are valuing the work we’re producing as a whole, and want to compensate us fairly for our time and efforts.
As for this toxic influencer I encountered last week? I wish her the best, and I know she’s going to land some incredible opportunities in the future. I have no intentions of unfollowing her, as I know I will likely run into her time and time again. However, I’ve started to distance myself from her, and I have no desire to meet up for coffee or collaborate with her after the way she’s repeatedly discredited my success in the past.