Beginning Again

Meghan Donovan I Central Park
For some reason starting this year felt different. So much so that the words for this post came to me all at once the other evening as I headed to bed. I took my Notes app out and put down everything coming to me.
Maybe the start of the year felt different because I was trying to be gentler to myself? Or because I was more conscious lately of time moving so quickly? Maybe it was because my anxiety has sadly been in over drive lately?
But through the start of this year I’ve just had this intuitive feeling saying Slow and Steady. One step at a time.
I spend my days too often ping-ponging between things. A page loading too slowly? What other tab has something I can accomplish in it? This impatience of mine is something that infuriates me often. And it’s entirely my own doing. It’s not how I like to work. This year I want to try and be more present with my tasks. More intentional with my time (more on this in tomorrow’s post, in fact.)
In 2020 so far…
I started by eating healthier and meal planning – not by going on a diet or setting restrictions for myself.
I started by asking my acupuncturist for small steps she thought I could be making for improving my daily being.
I started with closet clean outs to feel less "heavy" in my own home.
I started easing back into workouts via motivating myself with the reminder that I am better at working/focusing/being when I spend time dispensing energy physically.
I started with more meditation. I know myself well enough to know that deep breaths are my everything when things feel overwhelming.
I started with the recognition that just because it’s the new year, doesn’t mean we have to do it all. All at once.
I started by slowly adding back in the good habits I’d ignored during the busy holiday season.
I started with a lot of joy and grace towards others. I feel better when I’m this version of myself but my anxiety can rob me of it on certain days.
I started by doing the things on my to do list I’ve been putting off.
I started by tidying and organizing.
I started with lots of plans with friends.
I started with plans and lists and the realization that I don’t have to do it all immediately. That, for most items, I have 365 days to do it all.
I started by putting faith in myself every day – whatever I had that day – I gave it.
I started by recommitting to myself and what I really want out of my life and my work.
I started taking ownership over the things I want to change and the things I need to solve.
. . .
This year I want to be brave and nimble and joyful and kind. I want to be extra mindful to what I gift my attention to.